So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
