wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
