I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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