i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
