i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
