Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
