Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize