Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
