sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
