Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
