Your dad touched me again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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