Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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