can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
