I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
