Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
