How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
