Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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