you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
