Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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