He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My bed smells like the plague
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
