I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
