ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
