How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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