Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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