Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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