im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
