The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
