Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
