Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
