So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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