I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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