ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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