My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
