I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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