My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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