im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You need Xanax blowdarts
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
