now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is it penis luge time yet?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
