New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
