I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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