yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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