i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
