The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize