Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
