The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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