Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
