Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
