I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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