Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
