I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And then my night got REAL pukey
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
