I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
