some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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