Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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