i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
