I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
