That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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