His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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