If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
