I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
