I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
