..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
