Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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