I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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