My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
