It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
