i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
