Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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