"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
