It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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