Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she smelled like a LAN party
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize