I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
