did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
