My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
