i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
