Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize