Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
