i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
