If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
