So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
