i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
